A few days ago...
"I've been a beast today, Joe," I said in the walk-in to Chef, around 10 pm.
"Why? Have you beasted the prep?"
"Well, not entirely, but I have been a beast."
I walked out of the walk-in.
I couldn't really remember what I'd done that day, but I had the distinct feeling that I had been a beast.
Now, at midnight, I remember.
I remember I had had a plan at 7 am when I woke that day.
Well, I had had a plan the night before when I finished my shift at 11.30 pm.
I had a mental list - and the list went mostly, thus:
Sort and bake breads
Finish ratatouille mix /make lasagne
Sort pate/make new pate
Make spring rolls
Make spring roll mix
New Veg of the Week
Back-up salad prep
Cut goats cheese
and so on...
I got home around 11, there was no beer in the fridge so at around 12, I had to begin my second list, but only ever got to the first point:
Be a good dad.
A couple of days later I made a similar list, but this time, I got in, in the morning and half the list had been done.
Chef had got in early, done half my prep and half set up my section before I even started. Not only this, but Danny Cheers works my side and Chef shares service all day.
But I still know what to do with myself.
Danny has his interests.
Chef has his interests.
I have my interests.
And so on, creating the Venn Diagram of Interests and Emotional Attachments which we are all a part of.
I don't speak to Joe about what I speak to Danny about.
I don't talk with exactly the same inflection in my speech to Andy as I do with Jams.
I don't discuss matters of the Gyula kind with Mike, and vice versa.
We each, I'm sure, have a distinct personality in the modern world, with almost every person we know. We each play out some level of Dissociative Identity Disorder, merely by existing in the modern world.
We, each and every one, in Old Skool Psyche Speak, are "Schizos" - split-personality schizos who barely know our real selves, as in every work place around the world.
So where is the metaphor? Where is the philosophy in this? The obtuse knowledge? The lesson to raise the quality of our life?
Here is the metaphor. Our lives exist in temporal lists. Past, present and future. If my daily lists were boiled down to one short, lifetime list, my first move, may be to steal a reasonably-sized luxury yacht and sail off with my family to sunnier and more naturally abundant climes.
Here is the philosophy. We are all capable of intense, insightful epiphany. The ability to have sudden and life-changing realizations about our existence which we can act upon and not simply overlook.
The obtuse knowledge. Someone is always there to help you when you least expect it.
The lesson. Make a list. But make your list based upon your true feelings and not the mundane mechanics of everyday life that we are all sucked into. Prioritize your list... make the first thing on it, the very fibre of your being, make the first thing on it, your every passion, your dying soul. Let the beautiful, horrific beast which lurks inside of you write the very first of your priorities for the day...